She has learned to roll paper, but I never imagined...
And then, she went on to complete a productive day by cutting the sleeve of her shirt all the way to her elbow with a pair of scissors.
I have nothing more to say.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Lucy, Lucy, Lucy
Here is what Lucy did yesterday during her rest time (hint, look at the carpet):
She has learned to roll paper, but I never imagined...
And then, she went on to complete a productive day by cutting the sleeve of her shirt all the way to her elbow with a pair of scissors.
I have nothing more to say.
She has learned to roll paper, but I never imagined...
And then, she went on to complete a productive day by cutting the sleeve of her shirt all the way to her elbow with a pair of scissors.
I have nothing more to say.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Discipline
Here's another post...2 in one day. I am on a roll. (Really, Brendan has taken the kids and I actually have time to think:))
I recently read Hide or Seek by Dr. Dobson, written sometime in the 70's, dealing with self-esteem in children. I have read many of his books before, but one passage in this book really struck a chord. It deals with spanking children, an always-controversial topic, but one that I think has a great deal of wisdom in it. We are back in the spanking mode with Jane right now, as she in now entering the age of disobedience. The other two kids went through this same stage...walking away when asked to come to Mama or Papa, touching things they were specifically asked not to touch...a real battle of the wills. She is getting a lot of spankings right now for these things- direct disobedience, and I can't wait till she realizes she is not the boss...I just don't remember how long it takes. But the other kids are very obedient now, so I know that this too shall pass.
Anyway, here is the passage. I'll just post it and let you all mull over it. It sure echoes what we've been doing at home...
We must now deal with the very important question of discipline and self-esteem. Does punishment, and particularly spanking, break the spirit of the child? The answer to this question depends entirely on the manner and intent of the parents. The issue is not, "to spank or not to spank;" it is "how, in what way, and for what?" While this subject was discussed in my book, Dare to Discipline, it needs to be re-examined here specifically in relation to the child's self-concept.
A spanking is a very worthwhile tool when used properly, and I strongly urge its periodic application to the bottoms of America's youngest generation. However, like any tool, it can be applied correctly or incorrectly. Belief in corporal punishment is certainly no excuse for taking out your frustrations and anxieties on little Johnny; it won'y justify your cracking him behind the ear for his mistakes, accidents, and childish irresponsibility; it offers no license to punish him in front of others or treat him with general disrespect...
On the other hand, another highly effective way to damage self-esteem is to go to the opposite extreme- avoiding disciplinary control altogether. When a child knows he has done wrong, being selfish or offensive to others, he expects his parents to respond appropriately. After all, they are the symbols of justice, law and order which every child loves. Their refusal to accept his challenge is viewed with disrespect, making them unworthy of his allegiance. But more importantly, he wonders why they would let him do such harmful things if they really love him...
(Goes on to mention a study of adolescent boys regarding discipline and self-esteem...)
If good discipline is so important to the building of self-esteem, thgn, let's discuss its ingredients. Returning to the subject of spanking, when and under what circumstances is it appropriate to use this form of discipline? You will not damage your child emotionally if you follow this philosophy: (1) Establish the boundaries in advance. Tell your child before he breaks a rule just what the rule is. Make sure he knows what you expect, and why. There should be no ex post facto guilt! (2) When he defiantly challenges your authority by disobeying your instructions, then he will expect you to act. Don't disappoint him. A spanking, therefore, is to be reserved for that moment of conflict when the child dares you to defend your right to lead. It should come in response to his sassiness, haughtiness, or outright disobedience. NO OTHER FORM OF DISCIPLINE IS AS EFFECTIVE AS A SPANKING WHEN WILLFUL DEFIANCE IS INVOLVED (emphasis of the author). In this sense, corporal punishment is not a "last resort" to be applied after you have screamed, yelled, cried, begged, deprived, wept, and stood him in the corner. It is to be used any time he chooses to stiffen his neck, clench his fists, and toss his little pinkie across the line you've drawn in the dirt. (3) Do not spank the child for mistakes and accidents. Do not spank him for forgetting to feed the dog, or make his bed, or other acts of immaturity. Do not spank him to help him learn his lessons....Do not spank him for something today which was ignored yesterday. This kind of behavior does not represent willfull defiance on the part of the child, and he will resent being punished for triggering your wrath accidentally. (4) After the spanking, Johnny will probably want to be loved and reassured. By all means, open your arms and let him come. Hold him close and tell him of your love. Rock him gently and let him know, again, why he was punished and how he can avoid the trouble next time. You cannot talk to a child in the heart-to-heart fashion while you are still in conflict; understanding and closeness are not achieved by sending an angry, defiant child to his room to pout. This moment of communication is created by the emotional ventilation brought on by an appropriate spanking, and it does not destroy self-esteem. It builds love, fidelity, and family unity. (5) Your spankings should be completed by the time a child is eight or nine years old...
There are many specialists in child development today who recommend trying to "reason" a child out of his defiance. Anyone who has ever tried to do that knows it is impossible. Why? Because the issue of "who's toughest" is very important to children... Regardless of what the parent and child are fighting over, the real issue is this: are you in charge or am I? And when the stage is set for that battle, reason and explanation will not settle the matter.
Finally, I must refer back to the original question: does punishment, particularly spanking, break the spirit of the child? It is very important to understand the difference between breaking the spirit of the child, and breaking his will. The human spirit is exceedingly fragile at all ages and must be handled with care. It involves a person's view of himself, his personal worth, and the emotional factors to which this book is dedicated. A parent can damage his child's spirit very easily- by ridicule, disrespect, threats to withdraw love, and by verbal rejection. Anything that depreciates his self-esteem is costly to his spirit. However, while the spirit is brittle and must be treated gently, the will is made of steel. It is full strength at the moment of birth, as any midnight bottle-warmer knows. Even a child whose spirit has been crushed can present the most awesome display of willful power. We want, then, to shape the will of a child, but leave his spirit intact. This is done by requiring reasonable obedience to predetermined commands, and then winning the battles he chooses to initiate. If you permit your youngster's will to remain unbridled, the result is often extreme self-will, which makes him useless to himself, others, or even to God.
I recently read Hide or Seek by Dr. Dobson, written sometime in the 70's, dealing with self-esteem in children. I have read many of his books before, but one passage in this book really struck a chord. It deals with spanking children, an always-controversial topic, but one that I think has a great deal of wisdom in it. We are back in the spanking mode with Jane right now, as she in now entering the age of disobedience. The other two kids went through this same stage...walking away when asked to come to Mama or Papa, touching things they were specifically asked not to touch...a real battle of the wills. She is getting a lot of spankings right now for these things- direct disobedience, and I can't wait till she realizes she is not the boss...I just don't remember how long it takes. But the other kids are very obedient now, so I know that this too shall pass.
Anyway, here is the passage. I'll just post it and let you all mull over it. It sure echoes what we've been doing at home...
We must now deal with the very important question of discipline and self-esteem. Does punishment, and particularly spanking, break the spirit of the child? The answer to this question depends entirely on the manner and intent of the parents. The issue is not, "to spank or not to spank;" it is "how, in what way, and for what?" While this subject was discussed in my book, Dare to Discipline, it needs to be re-examined here specifically in relation to the child's self-concept.
A spanking is a very worthwhile tool when used properly, and I strongly urge its periodic application to the bottoms of America's youngest generation. However, like any tool, it can be applied correctly or incorrectly. Belief in corporal punishment is certainly no excuse for taking out your frustrations and anxieties on little Johnny; it won'y justify your cracking him behind the ear for his mistakes, accidents, and childish irresponsibility; it offers no license to punish him in front of others or treat him with general disrespect...
On the other hand, another highly effective way to damage self-esteem is to go to the opposite extreme- avoiding disciplinary control altogether. When a child knows he has done wrong, being selfish or offensive to others, he expects his parents to respond appropriately. After all, they are the symbols of justice, law and order which every child loves. Their refusal to accept his challenge is viewed with disrespect, making them unworthy of his allegiance. But more importantly, he wonders why they would let him do such harmful things if they really love him...
(Goes on to mention a study of adolescent boys regarding discipline and self-esteem...)
If good discipline is so important to the building of self-esteem, thgn, let's discuss its ingredients. Returning to the subject of spanking, when and under what circumstances is it appropriate to use this form of discipline? You will not damage your child emotionally if you follow this philosophy: (1) Establish the boundaries in advance. Tell your child before he breaks a rule just what the rule is. Make sure he knows what you expect, and why. There should be no ex post facto guilt! (2) When he defiantly challenges your authority by disobeying your instructions, then he will expect you to act. Don't disappoint him. A spanking, therefore, is to be reserved for that moment of conflict when the child dares you to defend your right to lead. It should come in response to his sassiness, haughtiness, or outright disobedience. NO OTHER FORM OF DISCIPLINE IS AS EFFECTIVE AS A SPANKING WHEN WILLFUL DEFIANCE IS INVOLVED (emphasis of the author). In this sense, corporal punishment is not a "last resort" to be applied after you have screamed, yelled, cried, begged, deprived, wept, and stood him in the corner. It is to be used any time he chooses to stiffen his neck, clench his fists, and toss his little pinkie across the line you've drawn in the dirt. (3) Do not spank the child for mistakes and accidents. Do not spank him for forgetting to feed the dog, or make his bed, or other acts of immaturity. Do not spank him to help him learn his lessons....Do not spank him for something today which was ignored yesterday. This kind of behavior does not represent willfull defiance on the part of the child, and he will resent being punished for triggering your wrath accidentally. (4) After the spanking, Johnny will probably want to be loved and reassured. By all means, open your arms and let him come. Hold him close and tell him of your love. Rock him gently and let him know, again, why he was punished and how he can avoid the trouble next time. You cannot talk to a child in the heart-to-heart fashion while you are still in conflict; understanding and closeness are not achieved by sending an angry, defiant child to his room to pout. This moment of communication is created by the emotional ventilation brought on by an appropriate spanking, and it does not destroy self-esteem. It builds love, fidelity, and family unity. (5) Your spankings should be completed by the time a child is eight or nine years old...
There are many specialists in child development today who recommend trying to "reason" a child out of his defiance. Anyone who has ever tried to do that knows it is impossible. Why? Because the issue of "who's toughest" is very important to children... Regardless of what the parent and child are fighting over, the real issue is this: are you in charge or am I? And when the stage is set for that battle, reason and explanation will not settle the matter.
Finally, I must refer back to the original question: does punishment, particularly spanking, break the spirit of the child? It is very important to understand the difference between breaking the spirit of the child, and breaking his will. The human spirit is exceedingly fragile at all ages and must be handled with care. It involves a person's view of himself, his personal worth, and the emotional factors to which this book is dedicated. A parent can damage his child's spirit very easily- by ridicule, disrespect, threats to withdraw love, and by verbal rejection. Anything that depreciates his self-esteem is costly to his spirit. However, while the spirit is brittle and must be treated gently, the will is made of steel. It is full strength at the moment of birth, as any midnight bottle-warmer knows. Even a child whose spirit has been crushed can present the most awesome display of willful power. We want, then, to shape the will of a child, but leave his spirit intact. This is done by requiring reasonable obedience to predetermined commands, and then winning the battles he chooses to initiate. If you permit your youngster's will to remain unbridled, the result is often extreme self-will, which makes him useless to himself, others, or even to God.
The Grand Experiment
So, as many of you know, Janie has been on a dairy, egg and peanut-free diet since she started having allergic reactions (skin rashes) when she would touch eggs and milk and got tested around age 1 (they told us the test showed she was allergic to peanuts as well). In the last few weeks, she has been trying to get us to reconsider. She has been eating mac n' cheese noodles left on the floor, trying to drink Lucy's milk, and yesterday she stuck a spoonful of peanut butter in her mouth when my back was turned!
And, though I watched her closely for a while after each of these incidents...no reaction.
So, after much deliberation, we have decided on a course of action. We are going to slowly introduce these things into her diet, beginning with giving her bread, crackers (and this morning a doughnut from Benny's) that have milk and eggs listed in the ingredients. We'll continue to give her baths to reduce her excema (thought to be caused by the allergies), and monitor her to see if the excema abnormally increases or if there are any other reactions.
I haven't talked to her allergy doctor yet, but I will put in a call on Monday to see what his opinion is. I would like to have her officially tested again, but the test is so darn expensive! And this is not the time to go around looking for extra things to pay for...
We'll give it a whirl. Prayers would be appreciated, that she is in fact outgrowing any allergies she may have had, if it was in fact allergies and not just extremely-sensitive skin (which seems more and more likely now). It would be a big relief to be able to feed her "normally" instead of a very-restricted diet. She would appreciate it, too, as she is definitely old enough to see that her meals are different from everyone else's.
We'll keep you all updated...
And, though I watched her closely for a while after each of these incidents...no reaction.
So, after much deliberation, we have decided on a course of action. We are going to slowly introduce these things into her diet, beginning with giving her bread, crackers (and this morning a doughnut from Benny's) that have milk and eggs listed in the ingredients. We'll continue to give her baths to reduce her excema (thought to be caused by the allergies), and monitor her to see if the excema abnormally increases or if there are any other reactions.
I haven't talked to her allergy doctor yet, but I will put in a call on Monday to see what his opinion is. I would like to have her officially tested again, but the test is so darn expensive! And this is not the time to go around looking for extra things to pay for...
We'll give it a whirl. Prayers would be appreciated, that she is in fact outgrowing any allergies she may have had, if it was in fact allergies and not just extremely-sensitive skin (which seems more and more likely now). It would be a big relief to be able to feed her "normally" instead of a very-restricted diet. She would appreciate it, too, as she is definitely old enough to see that her meals are different from everyone else's.
We'll keep you all updated...
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
A place for everything...
I was just picking up the toys and miscellaneous items scattered on the floor, and thought I would write a quick post on "picking up" around our house. We have found a system that seems to work, and makes it as easy as possible for everyone to help in the pickup. Basically, the old saying is true- a place for everything, and everything in it's place. It makes it SUPER EASY to put things away. So easy even Jane can help.
Here are some examples:
-we were talking about wearing hats the other day, and Jane (18 months old today!) went and got her 2 hats from the basket in the front closet. She can also put them away if I ask her to, because she knows just where they go. And they will always be there if she wants them again. (Well, we're not perfect...sometimes they do get left in the car or at Grandma's or....but you see what I mean...at least they usually are there).
-Jane has a funny fascination with part of a baby-food masher I've used with all the kids. Now it finds a home in a bottom drawer in the kitchen, and she pulls it out whenever she wants something to stick her hand in. She knows right where we keep it, and it's always there.
-Gene and Lucy can completely pick up the family room, kitchen and dining room by themselves (well, if we offer a slight bribe of chocolate chips it usually increases their willingness...)
-In those "after the kids are in bed" hours when all we want to do is collapse on the couch, it doesn't take any brain-work to put the toys away. In the days after Christmas when we had a boatload of toys invade our house, we didn't have the energy to find places for anything (we had all been sick)...and so "cleaning up" became "shoving all the toys under the tree and against the walls so at least we wouldn't step on them".
So...I've learned my lesson. Invest a little time in figuring out where things should go in the house, and reap a house full of peace and cleanliness.
Here are some examples:
-we were talking about wearing hats the other day, and Jane (18 months old today!) went and got her 2 hats from the basket in the front closet. She can also put them away if I ask her to, because she knows just where they go. And they will always be there if she wants them again. (Well, we're not perfect...sometimes they do get left in the car or at Grandma's or....but you see what I mean...at least they usually are there).
-Jane has a funny fascination with part of a baby-food masher I've used with all the kids. Now it finds a home in a bottom drawer in the kitchen, and she pulls it out whenever she wants something to stick her hand in. She knows right where we keep it, and it's always there.
-Gene and Lucy can completely pick up the family room, kitchen and dining room by themselves (well, if we offer a slight bribe of chocolate chips it usually increases their willingness...)
-In those "after the kids are in bed" hours when all we want to do is collapse on the couch, it doesn't take any brain-work to put the toys away. In the days after Christmas when we had a boatload of toys invade our house, we didn't have the energy to find places for anything (we had all been sick)...and so "cleaning up" became "shoving all the toys under the tree and against the walls so at least we wouldn't step on them".
So...I've learned my lesson. Invest a little time in figuring out where things should go in the house, and reap a house full of peace and cleanliness.
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